5 Love Languages® General Guide

Updated: Mar 23

Previously, I introduced about the “ Love Tanks”, and repeatedly emphasize the need to fill them, before imparting values. This comes from a very simple logic –

The person who closest to the child is the one whom the child listens to the most. This person can scold and discipline the child, and yet the child can still continue to trust and follow him/her. A parent who has a good understanding and strong relationship with the child, will find the tasks of parenting much easier. At this juncture, I must clarify the following points:

  1. I do not encourage enmeshed relationship, as this will hinder development for the child

  2. I do not encourage parent(s) to only leave this task to his/her partner or someone else. Parent(s) must be seen as firm and united, yet kind to the child.

  3. When I mention “discipline the child”, apart from punishment, it also incorporates other sequences of explaining and making the child accept the consequences.

  4. Expression of love is to be unconditional, rather than intentional. We do not love our children, only when they are “good” or “well-behaved”. Neither do we “unlove” them when they do something undesirable. This is not a barter trade of emotions, but investment of relationship.


For children below 5, there is no need to guess the Love Language. Simply to go on to provide all 5 of LLs. When they reach about 6 to 7 years old, you can start to observe, which LLs are they more gravitated to. Also, the preferred LLs WILL CHANGE, due to various social circumstances and developmental stages. Another tip for parents: Do not to assume that what you child liked 3 years ago, is still the same. The preferred LLs do not exclude all other options. In the upcoming posts, I will be sharing on principles of the individual Love Languages.

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