This article is a continuation of the previous article, and will talk about pointers to take note when using the concept of love languages.
Previously, I introduced the concept of “love tanks”, and emphasized the need to fill them correctly before you can impart values to your children.
Do take note of the following:
I do not encourage parents to leave this task to his/her partner or someone else, but instead should work together. Parents must be seen as firm and united, yet kind to the child.
When I mention “discipline the child”, apart from punishment, it also incorporates other aspects such as explaining and teaching the child to accept consequences.
Expression of love needs to be unconditional, rather than intentional. We do not love our children only when they are “good” or “well-behaved”, neither do we “unlove” them when they do something undesirable.
There is no need to guess their love language for children below 5. You can simply provide all 5 love languages. When they reach around 6 to 8 years old, you can start to observe which love languages they gravitate more towards. Also, their preferred love languages will change over time, due to various social circumstances as well as transitions into different developmental stages.
Here’s another tip for parents: do not assume that what your child liked three years ago is still the same now. As they grow older, they experience changes in their social environment (such as schools / peers / teachers), as well as new additions or losses in their life. All these will affect how they understand their own needs, which may translate into changes in their personal needs.
Also, while you are providing your child’s preferred love languages, you should also provide them with the other love languages on a smaller scale. This is because your child is still growing, and this will teach them how to give and receive love to the people they meet as they grow older, who will most likely have different love languages.
In the upcoming articles, I will share on the meanings and principles of each love language.